"Dear Mr. XXXXX,
I've written you several times since January but our records show that you have not renewed your RNC membership for 2005."
Oh really? I wonder why the heck I'd let that lapse...
"Perhaps our letters have crossed in the mail or you may think your continued commitment to President Bush and our Party is not needed now that the 2004 campaign is over."
Or, perhaps I think you're a hack willing to shrill for an administration that's sending a liberal to the Supreme Court and is spending like a sailor more drunk than Ted Kennedy...
"Mr. XXXX, your continued support is needed now more than ever. Liberal Democrats are determined to derail our President's second term initiatives and will do whatever it takes to win."
Liberal Republicans seem to be derailing the second term just fine without the help of the Democrats, Kenny.
"Democrats and their liberal special interest allies are continuing the vicious negative attacks and outlandish charges that marked the 2004 presidential campaign. They have rejected the Bush victory and the votes of 62 million Americans."
At least they know how to do their job, bub. The President and the Republicans, however, are feckless crapweasels. Why else would they fail to cut pork, nominate a feminist liberal to the Supreme Court, threaten conservatives with retaliation, and call us names?
"The RNC must be able to get our positive message of reform past this bitterness and anger and build momentum for the President."
How about you apologize for calling us sexist elitists first. It might to a bit to assuage the bitterness and anger. Idiot.
"Your continued support as a Sustaining Member will keep our grassroots network strong and growing. And your generous gift today will help the RNC expand our communications program to promote our agenda and recruit strong candidates who share our principles and goals."
You mean candidates like Lincoln Chaffee, liberal wuss from Rhode Island who didn't even vote for President Bush? Who's currently facing a primary challenge from a more conservative Republican, Steve Laffey? And who you're supporting against Mr. Laffey's challenge by running ads against him? Give me a friggin' break.
"That is why I urgently need you to renew your RNC Membership with a contribution of $100, $50, or $25 to counter the liberal Democrats' smears and delaying tactics. We must lay the groundwork today for the 2005 state elections and the crucial mid-term elections in 2006"
Again with the liberal Democrats... Frankly, the only thing the RNC stands for at this point is holding power for its own sake. I'd never give to a bunch of liberal Republicans, which is what you are. I oppose the Miers nomination. You guys, on the other hand, have no problem with her support for racist quotas, feminist lunacy, and complete lack of grounding in constitutional interpretation. Tell you what... I'll CONSIDER donating to you if you do one of the following IMMEDIATELY:
- Begin impeachment proceedings against Justices Ginsberg, Kennedy, Souter, Breyer, Stevens... and what the heck, O'Connor also. For not knowing the first damn thing about reading a Constitution (or, even worse, probably knowing and not caring because they're all too damn drunk with power). It'd be nice if they're thrown off the Court, but if not I'd still congratulate the effort for the mere fact of showing a spine against our Black Robed Masters. Oh, and while we're at it, DUMP MIERS and appoint someone better. Like Luttig, or frigging Robert Bork for that matter...
- Pass a constitutional amendment ending lifetime appointment of Justices, ending or severely restricting judicial review, and limiting the terms of all members of Congress.
- Pass a constitutional amendment protecting unborn children, a balanced budget amendment, a line-item veto amendment, and a defense of marriage amendment.
- Rebuild the Twin Towers, taller and with anti-aircraft weaponry on the rooftops.
- Convince Adriana Lima to marry me. (work safe, I think)
That's it. Should be easy enough for you gentlemen. Get to work.
UPDATE: More from Michelle Malkin on how Miers is so embarrassing because she can't turn in her homework on time. And Baseball Crank has a bunch of good questions for self-appointed Hack, Hugh Hewitt.